Be A Contestant on Americas Hottest New Gameshow

The 72 Genders of Sub/Verses

Gordon Comstock

Jun 1, 2023

Remember the days of yore when a man was a man and a woman was a woman? Then we were told that, ackshulllly, sex and gender are different; sex is what all you normies think of as biological, but gender is an evolved way to think about our genitalia/chromosomal differences. Gender is all about societal norms assigned to the sexes, and sometimes, your sex and gender can be different, but rest assured, there are still only two genders, and we would never intentionally confuse the two terms. That was a MAGAMAGAMAGAMAGA scare tactic.

That survived as long as the black guy in an ’80s horror movie. Soon we were told that men could have periods, get pregnant, and breastfeed…clearly mixing the sex/gender guidelines more vigorously than James Bond’s patriarchal martini.

Now, we can forget there simply being men and women. Instead, there are many more genders; according to Dr. Shaziya Allarakha, there are precisely 72 of them.

These include abimegender, which is associated with being profound, deep, and infinite. Abimegender may be used alone or in combination with other genders. I’m happy to know there is a name for how people perceive me. Profound, deep, and infinite should cover it.

There is also aesthetgender, which is a type of gender identity derived from aesthetics. If this one was a little more fine-tuned to someone with the aesthetics of a Greek Gd, this one could have worked for me as well; but alas, I will not debase myself by being lumped in with all of the mere 4-pack-ab havers.

Or how about egogender, which is a type of gender identified by the individual alone and based on the person’s experience within the self. I can’t relate to this one at all. Ego is not something anyone correlates with good ol’ Gordo. Nope, not here.

Since all this seems very scientific-y and entirely on the up-and-up, I’ve decided to make all you dummies feel even dumber by putting your vast ignorance on full display by playing a game I call “Whose Gender Is It Anyway?”

In WGIIA, I will give you four gender choices - three of which are “real” (don’t question it, you bigot) and one that I conjured up from my deviant little mind. It is up to you to determine which gender is made-up.

The other three are absolutely, unquestionably legitimate and can never be questioned, you anti-vax, science denier SOB.

If you get all three correct, congratulations! You are literally not Hitler. If you get any wrong, it’s off to the reeducation gulag for you…so no pressure.

Here we go:

Question 1:

Burstgender: Frequent bursts of intense feelings quickly move to the initial calm stage.
Gender witched: The person is inclined toward the notion of having one gender but does not know which.
Phalanxgender: Taking on the form of a Spartan warrior when interacting with loved ones.
Astral gender: Having a gender identity that feels to be related to space.

Question 2:

Affectugender: This is based on the person’s mood swings or fluctuations.
Swiftiegender: Your gender changes depending on the last Taylor Swift song you listened to.
Aerogender: Also called evaisgender, this gender identity changes according to one’s surroundings.
Colorgender: In this category, colors are used to describe gender, for example, pink gender or black gender.

Question 3:

AIDSgender: A gender associated with having HIV/AIDS where you tell all romantic partners you have the virus when you do not.
Cendgender: The gender identity changes from one gender to its opposite.
Genderblank: It is closely related to a blank space.
Autigender: Having a gender identity that feels to be closely related to being autistic.