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The Grift Is Strong With This One
The DEI scam unravels...
On the legendary show, The Sopranos, one of the many scams Tony ran was to ensure all construction work reserve a certain number of “no-show” jobs for his crew members so they could both get paid for doing nothing and have a way to launder their dirty money. This is reminiscent of how corporate HR departments (aka - the Department of Karen’s) work today.
While not literally “no show” jobs (as far as I am aware), they are at least “make-work” departments in that significance of their output is vastly outweighed by the number of people on their payroll; but this is critical to the overall woke edifice because otherwise what would Women’s Studies majors do with their degrees?
My distaste for corporate culture should not surprise any long-time readers of Sub/Verses as I’ve covered my revulsion many times, including here, here, and here. However, I reserve a special place in my heart for the HR Karens.
They are like an appendix, where we assume there was a point to their existence during some long-forgotten evolutionary period, but now they cause more trouble than their worth. Unlike the appendix, however, the folks in HR have evolved in such a way as to hide their supreme uselessness through their wielding of the DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) trend/cudgel. In the corporate pantheon, they have used DEI to “center themselves,” as the kids say.
They have latched onto this retrograde trend as tightly as the leeches clung on the River Pheonix and Corey Feldman in Stand By Me when they tried to wade across that lake to find the dead kid.
Speaking of dead things in the water…
It was only a matter of time before the entire woke edifice of the Department of Karen’s started to crumble like the walls of Jehrico, and it gives me great pleasure to announce that we are beginning to see the cracks. Hallelujah!
On May 13, The New York Times published the article, Why Some Companies Are Saying ‘Diversity and Belonging’ Instead of “Diversity and Inclusion.’
The article explains that, as all rational thinking humans know, the communist agitprop and World Economic Forum-led program, DEI initiative, is not having the intended effect on companies. Rather than making workplaces more inclusive, it is making them more divisive.
The nonpartisan nonprofit Business for America recently interviewed more than two dozen executives at 18 companies and found this to be a common theme. “The way they’ve rolled out D.E.I. has exacerbated divides even while addressing valuable issues,” said Sarah Bonk, BFA’s founder and chief executive. “It has created some hostility, resentment.”
All of this comes as news to those who inhabit HR departments because, as they say, you can’t get someone to understand something they are paid not to understand.
However, just like they did on their eleventh attempt at the six-day zucchini cleanse, the Corporate Karens are doubling down on it instead of abandoning the failed experiment. It’s not that DEI is a predictable failure; you see, it simply needs refinement to counteract the divisions it has torn into their corporate cultures. That refinement is taking the shape of the abandonment of DEI 1.0 and replacing it with DEI 2.0…DEI-B, where the ‘B’ stands for “belonging.”
Ah, yes, that will solve the problem for sure. How could it possibly not? The real problem the USSR had wasn’t their trash, historically, economically, and psychologically ignorant ideology; it was their branding. If only Gorbachov had thought to rebrand his country USSR-B, perestroika and glasnost wouldn’t have been necessary, and we’d all be on the front lines in Ukraine fighting for our Slavic homeland right now.
As if to prove the farce of it all, the person some corporations are turning towards to help them prevent the USS DEI Titanic from crashing into the common sense iceberg is Karith Foster. Ms. Foster has a long pedigree in organizational structure. She has degrees from Harvard and the Wharton School to support her theories, so it makes sense that companies would turn to someone with her expertise to fix these issues.
Just kidding. Ms. Foster is a former stand-up comedian who started a DEI consultancy called Inversity to secure her fair share of the DEI grift.
To know Ms. Foster’s credentials for fixing corporate HR departments, check out this set at the Gotham Night Club from 2015.
After listening to her routine, I’m unsure why HR departments limit their engagement with her to DEI-B.
In her set, she tells us that she just had her second baby in two years, which means we should “not get her wet or feed her after mightnight.” Boom…just saved the company’s health insurance from abortion costs.
We learn she had her last baby so recently that she could “feed the back row from here.” Bam…advocating breastfeeding to make higher IQ babies who can be tomorrow’s HR Managers.
Her husband got her a shitty birthday gift while she was pregnant—a colonic. While Ms. Foster may not like that, colonics could help reduce the rates of colorectal cancer. Sorry, he loves you so much, but that’s more savings for HR to hire another useless HR Generalist.
Is she good, or is she good?
Mocking aside, Ms. Foster’s approach is more reasonable than the traditional DEI one:
Ms. Foster said companies must address racism, sexism, homophobia and antisemitism in the workplace. But she believes that an overemphasis on identity groups and a tendency to reduce people to “victim or villain” can strip agency from and alienate everyone — including employees of color. She says her approach allows everyone “to make mistakes, say the wrong thing sometimes and be able to correct it.”
Let’s contrast that perspective with the actual Wharton hack quoted in the article, assistant professor of management Stephanie Creary, who studies “corporate strategies for diversity and inclusion.”
She believes an abstract focus on belonging allows companies to avoid the tough conversations about power — and the resistance those conversations often generate. “The concern is that we are just creating new terms like belonging as a way to manage that resistance,”
Does the fact that a stand-up comic has a better grasp on reality than the esteemed Wharton professor make anyone stop and think that maybe this who thing is BS? Certainly not any of the HR Karens.
But of course, as with any con, rather than admit they should chop up their woke hobbyhorse and burn it in the firepit of their next corporate camp retreat, they are using it to justify spending more money on the programs. According to the Society for Human Resource Management:
Seventy-six percent of respondents said their organization prioritized belonging as part of its D.E.I. strategy and 64 percent said they planned to invest more in belonging initiatives this year. Respondents said that identity-based communities, like employee resource groups, helped foster belonging, while mandatory diversity training did not.
Who could have imagined that forcing employees to attend sessions where they are harangued about how awful they are based on their immutable characteristics didn’t achieve the equity Corporate Karens promised? Instead, they are going to create identity-based “employee resource groups” where people who share certain features can complain to each other about how hard their lives are. I can’t see how that could go horrendously wrong. Separating people by things like their skin color has always led to nothing but harmony and social acceptance in the US. When you have a proven playbook, why deviate from it?
To ensure no one could question their woke bonafides, The Times explains that some DEI is needed because a think tank called Coqual published a study that claimed: “roughly half of Black and Asian professionals with a bachelor’s or more advanced degree don’t feel a sense of belonging at work.”
Coqual reports that some Asian professionals experience “overvalidation” microaggressions, like “colleagues assume I am good at math, technology and/or science,” “colleagues assume I am naturally smarter because of my race,” and “colleagues assume I am naturally harder working because of my race.”
Good G-d…what have we become?
I feel their overvalidation microaggression pain, though. People at work constantly ask me to join their company basketball teams. I tell them, “hey, you anti-semites, just because I’m a 5’ 5” Jewish guy with excellent facial hair doesn’t mean I am an elite-level athlete who chose cubical life rather than playing in the NBA.” Bigots.
In other news, let’s look at the US median household income broken out by ethnic group:
Tough times for Asians in racist America. As every red-blooded American knows, it’s better to have a sense of belonging at work and not be able to afford to put gas in your car rather than to feel like an outsider and have to cry about it over your Trenti iced coffee with 12 pumps of sugar-free vanilla, hazelnuts and caramel, five pumps skinny mocha, a splash of soy, double-blended while driving home in your Porche Cayenne. It sucks to be Asian in America, but there’s only so much we can do to change hearts and minds.
My one hope for the coming economic collapse is that executives will be forced to deal with the fact that they are setting money on fire by implementing these farcical programs.
Who said I’m not an optimist, right?
My favorite news article and picture from the week
Favorite news article:
I had been saying for weeks that things were getting a little too coherent in the Senate recently, so thank goodness John Fetterman is back to give us hard-hitting questions like the ones he delivered to the Silicon Valley Bank executives who sat before the Senate Banking Committee last week:
Anyone who speaks English as their first language, or even those for whom it’s their 18th language, will applaud the guy on the panel who pretended to know what the hell Fetterman was talking about here, but according to the AP, all of us fluent English speakers are ignoramuses.
According to the AP, Fetterman is operating at 100%, nay, 120%.
Before Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman checked himself in to the hospital for clinical depression in February, he walked the halls of the Senate stone-faced and dressed in formal suits. These days, he’s back to wearing the hoodies and gym shorts he was known for before he became a senator…
People close to Fetterman says his relaxed, comfortable style is a sign that the senator is making a robust recovery after six weeks of inpatient treatment at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center where his clinical depression was treated with medication and he was fitted for hearing aids for hearing loss that had made it harder for him to communicate
It makes sense that Fetterman trading his suit for a hoodie signals his improving health. My wife tells me she always knows when I have the flu because I start walking around the house in my tuxedo—specifically the one with the top hat, cane, and tails. I dress down to my three-piece Armani suit when I have the sniffles.
Here is a picture from Ron DeSantis’s recent pre-presidential announcement trip to Iowa. Look at the embroidered aprons. Governor Kim Reynolds, Governor Ron DeSantis, and…Randy. Randy, with the fucked up, slightly misaligned embroidery.
Don’t we all feel like Randy sometimes?
Until next time