Discover more from Sub/Verses
Why is Lizzo Doing This To Me?
My muse may be dying...or dieting...I'm not sure.
I am a simple man. I don’t need private jets, exotic vacations, or clothing of designers whose names I can’t pronounce on my back. I have simple joys. Spending time with my family, reading a book by the firepit, and writing excessively long analyses on how Lizzo is the standard bearer, par excellence, of the demise of our culture.
Am I a Lizzo shitposter addict? Possibly. This makes it all the more terrifying for me that my cultural nemesis may be on the verge of getting canceled.
As I read the article below, I screamed to the heavens that I didn’t have the fortitude to quit Lizzo cold turkey. Please let me slowly ween myself off of her corpulent star.
Alas, let us review the wreckage of my bootylicious beauty.
Three of Lizzo’s former dancers filed a lawsuit against her on Tuesday in Los Angeles Superior Court, accusing the Grammy-winning singer and the captain of her dance team of creating a hostile work environment while performing concerts on her Special Tour this year.
At first, I refused to believe that my delectable, demure diva would create a hostile work environment. I demand the evidence!
The lawsuit, a copy of which was provided to The New York Times by the plaintiffs’ law firm, said the dancers had been “exposed to an overtly sexual atmosphere that permeated their workplace,” which included “outings where nudity and sexuality were a focal point,” it said. The suit was first reported by NBC.
Gee, the atmosphere around Lizzo was sexual? Huh. Who could have imagined that would be the case?
Those dancers must have been shocked, SHOCKED, that there was gambling going on in Lizzo’s establishment!
On one occasion while at a nightclub in Amsterdam, the lawsuit says, Lizzo began inviting employees to touch nude performers and handle dildos and bananas used in their performances.
Bananas? I would have assumed Lizzo and her crew would have been more eclair or corndog on the phallic-shaped foods spectrum. Not great, but we can come back from that. I can’t imagine this behavior is uncommon when musicians go on tour. Another part of the complaint blames the tour’s dance captain, Shirlene Quigley, for “religious harassment.”
When I watch this dance routine, the first word that comes to my mind is (don’t say “gross,” don’t say “gross”) Catholic. The only more Catholic example in the history of music was Madona’s Like a Prayer video. So, color me suspect on that claim.
However, here comes the potential kill shot for Lizzo.
“The stunning nature of how Lizzo and her management team treated their performers seems to go against everything Lizzo stands for publicly,” a lawyer for the plaintiffs, Ron Zambrano, said in a statement on Tuesday. Privately, he said, Lizzo “weight-shames her dancers and demeans them in ways that are not only illegal but absolutely demoralizing.”
Lizzo “weight-shaming” someone is like Jeffrey Dahmer reading about a serial killer and thinking, “Yeah, that’s nasty.”
If this is true, it’s good night Irene for my girl. There is no coming back from making your rotundness the central aspect of your public persona and then telling women in your employ that they are too fat.
But, much like the boxer Butterbean, Lizzo isn’t going down without. a fight
Unfortunately, based on the replies, many of her fans aren’t buying it.
And from Showbiz411…
The result is a career collapse for Lizzo. In those two days, her record sales including streaming and airplay have collapsed. Looking at numbers from Luminate, the trends have not just fallen but evaporated. It’s as if every radio has pulled Lizzo’s hits. Fans stopped streaming the records, and forget about buying them or downloading them.
I haven’t quite mentally processed this yet, but with time, powerful meds, and a new fatty to make the target of my obesity obsession, these wounds, too, shall heal.
In the meantime, taking us out with the late, great Sinead O’Connor seems appropriate because Lizzo, nothing, and I mean nothing, compares 2 u.