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When The Cancelers Become The Canceled
...and where do I go for my reparations?
When The Cancelers Become The Canceled
In The Shawshank Redemption (the undisputed greatest movie in history), Andy Dufresne is physically and psychologically abused by various depraved lunatics, but none more than the reprobate warden of the jail, Samuel Norton. This makes the end movie's ending all the sweeter when [spoiler alert] Andy escapes from Shawshank (RIP Raquel Welsh) and turns the tables on Norton by pinching his ill-gotten money and revealing his murderous corruption, ultimately leading to Norton’s suicide.
The righteous turning the tables on the wicked is always satisfying.
In that “turning the tables” vein, let me introduce you to Florida State Senator Blaise Ingoglia.
Ingoglia submitted the, unfortunately named, “The Ultimate Cancel Act” to the Florida legislature last week. The succinct, two-page bill “[r]equir[es] the Division of Elections to immediately cancel the political filings of a political party if certain considerations exist…”
And it’s those “considerations” which make the bill controversial:
If the party’s platform has previosuly advocated for, or been in support of, slavery or invuluntary servitude.
This may not sound like a big deal, but what it means in practicality is that any voter in the state registered with that party will be de-registered from it, and the name of the new party (or parties) must be “substantially different from any other party previously registered with the department”.
In totally unrelated news, let’s review the highlights of the Democrat’s 1856 party platform:
Resolved, that we reiterate with renewed energy of purpose the well-considered declarations of former conventions upon the sectional issue of domestic slavery, and concerning the reserved rights of the states.
that Congress has no power under the Constitution, to interfere with or control the domestic institutions of the several states, and that such states are the sole and proper judges of everything appertaining to their own affairs, not prohibited by the Constitution; that all efforts of the abolitionists, or others, made to induce Congress to interfere with questions of slavery, or to take incipient steps in relation thereto, are calculated to lead to the most alarming and dangerous consequences…
that the foregoing proposition covers, and was intended to embrace the whole subject of slavery agitation in Congress; and therefore, the Democratic Party of the Union, standing on this national platform, will abide by and adhere to a faithful execution of the acts known as the compromise measures, settled by the Congress of 1850; “the act for reclaiming fugitives from service or labor,” included… [ed: the act they are referring to is the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850]
that the Democratic Party will resist all attempts at renewing, in Congress or out of it, the agitation of the slavery question under whatever shape or color the attempt may be made. [emphasis added]
Wow…those Dems LOVED themselves some slavery…
So, if “The Ultimate Cancel Act” were to pass, the Democratic Party in Florida would be forced to dissociate, and all registered Dem voters would need to re-register under a new party. That might sting…
When I first heard about this idea, I thought it was cringe to the nth degree (and the name is not helping it), but then I realized that Sen. Ingoglia is playing some 4D, underwater, intergalactic chess here.
The woke left loves nothing more than going back into history and trying to cancel anyone who ever did, said, or even thought anything considered retrograde by today’s standards. George Washington, Sean Connery, John Wayne…they’ve all gotten the treatment for their various transgressions, whether real or imagined. So here comes elephant dick Ingoglia using the Dem’s own playbook to try and wrecking ball the entire party in the Sunshine State.
Will the bill go anywhere? I am confident it won’t, but nonetheless…well played, sir. Well played, indeed.
Well, That Was Awkward
Keeping on the topic of having the tables turned on you, let’s transition to one of the left’s favorite Commies, Angela Davis.
Davis, a professor at the University of California - Santa Cruz, one-time winner of the “Lenin Peace Prize” (an award given immediately following the “Donald Trump Understatement Award”), and purchaser of guns that were used in the murder of a California judge two days hence (she was later acquitted of crimes associated with the event), has spent her entire life fighting for civil rights by explaining how evil the US is while at the same time genuflecting before murderous leaders of Communist countries and refusing to support their political dissidents (this includes telling jailed Czech political prisoners, “They deserve what they get,” and saying of Russian Jewish prisoners of conscience, “They are all Zionist fascists and opponents of socialism”).
She’s a gem.
I give that background because she recently had a grand genealogy reveal on PBS’s Finding Your Roots with Henry Louis Gates, Jr., which led to one of the most remarkable cases of schadenfreude in recent memory.
After spending her entire life bashing the United States and espousing the evils of white people, Angela learned a couple of interesting tidbits about her family tree.
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First, sitting on one of the branches is William Brewster, who, wouldn't you know it, came over on the real-world Deathstar…The Mayflower.
This is tantamount to Luke finding out he is Vader’s son.
Look at her face the instant she finds out she has a relative who had a hand in setting up the institution she has spent her life fighting against.
Her response was full of introspection; “that’s a little too much right now.” I am certain that it is Angela.
But, her response to another family member of hers, Steven Darden, was more revealing.
Darden, along with owning a house, a plantation, and various, sundry other things, also owned…people. That’s right, Darden was a slave owner. When informed about the enslaver on her family tree, she says, “those aren’t necessarily my people.”
Oh reeeeaaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy Angela?
The woke has been telling us for years that all white people are guilty of oppressing all black people because, by virtue of the melanin in their skin, they must have committed some crime against humanity against the darker-skinned among them. Now, Davis gets to simply hand-wave away her heritage by saying those aren’t the people she identifies with. Is that the new standard? Is the old becoming the new again? If it is, that’s a fantastic development because it is the only moral way of looking at the “sins of the father” racial issues (or lack thereof in many cases), as opposed to the standard wok-arati “imaged sins with no absolution” standard they have been shoving down our throats. Let’s see if anyone from their sides notices.
[second spoiler alert - they won’t]
Welcome to Thunderdome (wait, that’s San Francisco)
I've got great news if you’ve ever seen the Mad Max movies and wondered what the backstory was to reaching that dystopia. You can watch the prequel live right now because the likelihood of San Francisco becoming a Terror Dome-esque metropolis is quickly approaching 100% (any city with an app dedicated to alerting authorities to sidewalk poop of the human variety is well down that road).
As if they haven’t been Thelma and Louse-ing their way off the cliff at high enough velocity, a city committee (those words alone should tell you where this is headed) has recommended reparations for the black San Francisco residents to the tune of $5,000 each.
Wait, what’s that? My editor is in my ear telling me something utterly preposterous…bare with me; this guy’s a moron. I need to find a new editor.
Well now. He was right, and I was wrong…the reparations figure the city committee in SF is recommending is $5,000,000 each…for as many as 50,000 black San Franciscans! Don’t I have egg on my face?
How did they reach this figure, especially considering California was never a slave state? What mathematical formula did they pull from Euclid to arrive at this august number? Let’s hear from the chair of the committee, Eric McDonnell:
There wasn’t a math formula…[i]t was a journey for the committee towards what could represent a significant enough investment in families to put them on this path to economic well-being, growth and vitality that chattel slavery and all the policies that flowed from it destroyed.
Why use a math equation when you can go on a “journey?” That sounds much more fun! Why sit behind a spreadsheet all day when you can grab Toto, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, that pussy lion and just tra-la-la down the yellow brick road, where at the end, instead of finding the Wizard, Mr. McDonnell finds a house with $250 billion in it? Dorothy was a sucker…all she got were some gaudy high-heels.
Of course, they didn’t use math to figure this out. That would just be too logical, too candid, and too non-government-like. Instead, they rationalized the figure by explaining that in the 1960s, the Filmore District was demolished, which had a disproportionate effect on black people, and “[d]ecades later, thousands of people remain displaced.”
Does it seem odd to anyone else that people who had their houses demolished 60 years ago couldn’t find another place to live in the ensuing time it would take to collect Social Security? And if that’s true, shouldn’t the city review its urban planning strategy to figure out why finding a house is so difficult to come across? Naaaaahhhhhhh….handing out five milly to everyone is much more satisfying for government apparatchiks.
Thinking back to the previous story about that Plymouth Rock landing, slave-holding fraud Angela Davis, how will SF determine who qualifies as black? I know, details, details…why would I bring my buddy’s wife into the strip club when he’s in there trying to make it rain on Cashmere with the DDs in the champagne room?
I do have one critical question for Mr. McDonnell; where is the form I fill out so I can Elizabeth Warren myself into this piggy bank? Too bad Liz already used her scam to get a stupid job at Harvard Law School…I’m using mine to get rich bitch!
How About Reparations For Me?
Speaking of reparations, you know who has it worse than anyone…Short Kings like me. Think I’m kidding?
There is a Goddamn Quora post asking for input on, How can I avoid being tricked into meeting short guys on dating sites, when most men lie about their actual height?
And look at this fucking response from Amy (who I am sure has seven teeth in her head and hasn’t showered since Clinton was President):
Hight fish? Have trouble finding someone “live in person?” Short puns? At least at the end, she admits that some short people can be attractive…you know, the rich and famous ones.
Good to know that once I become Humphrey Bogart or Tom Cruise, I get to have a date with Amy. She’s an absolute doll, isn’t she, gang? At least her standards are realistic. I should be thankful she didn’t recommend euthanizing us or eugenics-ing us out of existence.
Or how about this study that says every inch above average is worth $789 annually? Or this one from China that says each additional centimeter of height is worth 1.3% of annual income. The China study also notes that “Observed height may act as a signal of beneficial circumstances for developing higher cognitive/non-cognitive skills during childhood or early life.”
What…the…fuck. So it’s not enough that I’m short, but you should assume I’m Slingblade or something too?
But it’s the recommendations at the end of the article that get me all hot and bothered (in a viagra kind of way):
Not only should this come as good news for vertically-challenged people who enjoyed healthy and nurturing early environments, it also invites an important policy prescription: governments and policy-makers should favor redistributive policies to support children from lower SES [note: SES = socioeconomic status] households over anti-discrimination laws that may not substantially reduce income inequality. [emphasis added]
Now you’re talking my language! You can tell me I’m short and stupid all you want…as long as you speak clearly into my big fat “short reparations” check, mofo.
But until my short-guy windfall comes in, I supposed I’ll keep this Substack thing going.
Fuck all Commies
In honor of Comrade Davis, I’d like to close out with a passage from Richard Pipes’s A Concise History of the Russian Revolution:
Unlike thier opponents, the Bolsheviks learned a great deal from these events [the events leading up to the February revolution]. They learned that in areas under their control they need fear no organized armed resistance: their rivals, though supported by three-fourths of the population, were disunited, leaderless, and above all, unwilling to stand-up and fight. This experience accustomed the Bolsheviks to resort to violence as a matter of course whenever they ran into defiance and to “solve” problems by physically “liquidating” those who caused them. The machine gun became for them the principal instrament of poltical persuasion. The unrestrained brutality with which they henceforth ruled Russia stemmed in large measure from the knowledge, gained on January 5, 1918, that they could do so with impunity.
As I wrote, fuck all Commies.